We got to the hospital checked in and were whisked off to get ready for the surgery. It was quite a surreal experience, given the fact that I had been there just two weeks ago, we had been checked in by the same women, and we had the same sweet nurse, Linda, in the operating room, and of course were met with the compassion of Dr. Morrell.
The differences in the surgeries were blaring in my mind. A couple of weeks ago, I just knew that this was our last step and the foreign lump was going to be gone, I would be fine (I even put my clothes in locker 13...maybe not a good move), and we would be excitedly trying to have another baby. Linda wheeled me into the operating room and we were both laughing and joking. The contrast was distinct, first of all, I put my clothes in locker 24 and instead of Linda and I laughing and joking, she was hugging me tightly as sobs filled my body and she continued to hold me until I was under sedation. I will be eternally grateful for her compassion.
The reality of the port a cath, another foreign lump, is that the Chemo journey is about to begin. I feel scared! When I first received the diagnosis, I naively believed that it was probably 3 cancer cells and they had already been excised; the painful reality is that I am grouped among those who will receive the most aggressive treatment possible, and that scares me! But what doesn't scare me is the peace I feel when I think and pray about the long term prognosis; when I think about and pray for those whom I love and love me. I feel peace!
The peace was interrupted as I had a really hard time coming out of the anesthesia this time. My entire body was shaking and I think I remember Justin asking them to give me something before I chipped my teeth. They gave me Demerol, which was a fateful decision resulting in throw-up for the next 6 hours. All through this process though was my Justin, my ROCK. He always knows just what to do!
As I laid there is such a yucky spot, I wondered how Christ had taken all of this pain (all of our pain)...incomprehensible. He is my ROCK!
I finally left the hospital at about 8:20pm.
You're testimony is a strength to me Becky. I know that the Lord loves you and He's very mindful of you at this time. You also have a lot of people who love you, and what to do everything they can for you at this time. Also Justin loves you a ton! and believe me, I grew up with him as my Uncle...He is the best ever, and he'll take care of you ;) Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteOnce again, Thank you for allowing us all to go on this journey with you. I love your little family so much and am thinking and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteBecky!
ReplyDeleteJust when I thought you couldn't be more incredible than you are, you take the high road during this battle that I know you will endure! You are such an amazing strong person and such a inspiration to me! I love that you created this blog so I can see how you are doing through this journey! You are such an amazing friend and I love you so much!
Thank you for sharing your battle with us. You have an amazing and strong spirit. God Bless you and your sweet family.
ReplyDeletewe love you! NOt surprised by your strength--it will serve you well as it has on other occasions. P.S. I found out today from McKaybri that Heavenly Father lives in South America. Perhaps a call would help if he lives only one continent away:) LOL I know how strong you are--the battle obiously doen't know who it's dealing with! You should have pointed a spatula at in a corner of a trailor and then it would have thought twice! This will work! Your story will be told and our book will be written. SMILE! we love you!!!!!!
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