Thursday, February 11, 2010


We woke up to about 3 inches of snow and Justin was out a-shovin’ while I was applying the Lidocaine cream to numb the sight where the nurse would be putting the needle in for the Chemo. I couldn’t help but look out the window and see the beauty of the new fallen snow and thought about a metaphor.

The white cream of the Lidocaine matched the color of the cleansing snow and I felt the reality that the journey we were about to undertake in Chemotherapy would also cleanse the landscape of my mutating cells. I took a deep breath in and realized that I was scared out of my wits, and this was a needful step in my life.

The metaphor continued as we drove toward the doctor’s office, and I looked back towards home and realized that the clouds had completely swallowed it out of my sight. I longed for the safety of my ordinary life of two weeks ago! Tears rolled down my face and I came to the realization that we are all in the same boat in this life! We left the comfort of our Heavenly Home in hopes for the development of needed skills, abilities, and experiences only to find that the home that we had known for eons of time was now clouded by the veil. I again longed for the safety of that home!

I feel so grateful for the knowledge that I have, that Heavenly Father knows and loves me individually. There is a definite plan for my existence…and it is not to inherently have pain. Just as I have found at other times in my life, Heavenly Father visits us though tender mercies and sometimes they are so subtle you may miss them if you are not careful. Blessings are found in the here and now, not living in the past or in the ‘if when’s’.

Well, this morning I was listening, so though our home was swallowed up in the clouds, along with my comfortable life, and tears were rolling down my face, I still saw the tender mercy and it came in the form of perfectly formed, perfectly distinct, snowflakes. And, as my mind does I realized that my life, your life, is perfectly distinct, perfectly designed for our growth and benefit. Do I ask myself, “Why me?” Not really, instead I state, “Why not me?” I am grateful for this challenge (sort of!) I am grateful for all of your love and concern. Thank you for the lives you lead!

I will update you on the first Chemotherapy treatment later today!


  1. Hey Becky, holy cow you are amazing! Thank you for inspiring me to see all the wonderful things around me. You are in my prayers. Love, Kelly Hyde

  2. check out -- i had the opportunity to meet chris the other night and he is so amazing. He reminds me of you. It isn't the situation that you're in, it is what you do in or with that situation that determines your outcome. That's sort of his premise, in my words. Prayin' for ya.

  3. Becky,
    I am one of your Young Survivor Sisters. My prayers are with you. Your faith is inspirational. You have a wonderful attitude and mindset. Best wishes.
    Brittany Pulsipher

  4. I want you to know that I'm praying for you. Eli is doing wonderful and the sugar cookies he brought for Valentines were a hit!
    Thank you for your testimony and strength. This week I have had several experiences that have testified to me that there is a big picture. Yes in the snow and in the snowflakes and in life and in death there is hope and Christ and peace.
    Please let me know if there is anything (anything) that I can do to help you and/or our little Eli.