Friday, August 6, 2010

Only a moment in time!

Andy and Justin think it is really funny to talk about sick things, like bed bugs, spiders, or snakes right before I am put into the tube for the radiation treatment. Inevitably, I will start to have an itch, which obviously cannot be scratched or the entire machine will shut down, so I lay there trying to focus on something else so the itch will not drive me crazy! Usually before I can get my mind focused on something else, I have about four different areas on my body that begin to itch (power of suggestion!) at the same time.


I was in a particularly troublesome itching episode unsure if I was going to make it, when I remembered something Robin, the Radiation Oncology Nurse had told me a few weeks ago when I was having a hard time emotionally, she said, “THIS IS ONLY A MOMENT IN TIME!”

Robin and Kari

That thought helped me the day I was tearing up about not being actively engaged with my boys, like I had been last summer, and it helped again in the Tomo machine. I forgot about the itch as my mind rested on, THIS IS ONLY A MOMENT IN TIME.

I couldn’t help but think back on other situations throughout my life when I was quite sure that I would be in that place forever and I would never think or feel differently than I did at that very moment. As I grew and matured out of some of those situations, I did indeed think and feel quite differently than I had before and my actions changed along with my new perception. Those “forever” situations where indeed ONLY A MOMENT IN TIME!

As I go through the radiation phase in this cancer treatment, which smacks of going on forever! I have recognized that my emotions are raw and I often find myself on the verge of tears. This realization has struck me as odd as I am coming to the end of treatment, so I have thought and thought about why and I have realized that for all of the other aspects of treatment, I have had loved ones and friends there at every turn. They were a part of the process right along with me. Radiation is different! I drive myself there, I have the treatment and interface with the great staff (laughing and crying) and then I drive myself home.

While in the machine, I have reflected on the Savior and his mission; his perfect example of completing a mission with honor! Throughout most of his life, people couldn’t help but be around him as they watched him heal the sick, raise people from the dead, and love in a perfect way. I am certain that they never anticipated that this would ONLY BE A MOMENT IN TIME!

I do not think it is by chance that he experienced sheer and utter aloneness. Whether in a radiation tube or the quiet recesses of our own minds, we have periods in our lives of feeling alone. Our Heavenly Father knew that Christ would need to experience the pain of this type of loneliness to be able to have true empathy for all of us and support us in this way.

For Christ, as he did in all things, he experienced the most poignant and deep loneliness in the history of the world (Matt 27:46). He had too! He had to know how to take the burden of cancer patients in a lonely radiation tube, sooth the broken hearted, as well as taking on him the pain and loneliness of God’s children who willfully removed themselves from His presence through sin.

I can only imagine that for Christ’s loved ones who watched him be spit upon, beaten, mocked, and scourged, that these scenes of terror must have felt like they were going on forever. I am so grateful for God’s perfect son who allowed himself to be nailed to a cross and submitted to all kinds of torture and ridicule because he knew perfectly that THIS WAS ONLY A MOMENT IN TIME! He knew that what he was choosing to submit to would eventually end and the result would be eternal life for all man and the possibility for exaltation for those who accessed the atonement. He rose above the loneliness and pain and fulfilled the mission that he was sent here to accomplish (Matt 26:38).

I hope we can all ponder Christ’s perfect mission and recognize that he has already paid the price for the loneliness and pain that we are feeling; whatever that pain may be! We can give that burden to him, “his yoke is easy and burden light!” (Matt 11:28-30), thus leaving us open to fulfilling the mission that we were sent here to accomplish.

Satan would have us focus on the “forever” feeling of the pain and misery, and our Heavenly Father would have us focus eternally, knowing that our experiences in this life are truly ONLY A MOMENT IN TIME!

I am grateful for the insight that Robin shared that lonely day in radiation and I am grateful for my elder brother, Jesus Christ who is there with me because he intimately knows my personal “forever”, as he knows yours. 

Love to you,


Mom’s Heart Moment: The boys and I joined Valerie and Denise’s boys at the Ogden Nature Park. We were learning about red-tailed hawks and other buteos. The instructor was very cute with the kids and encouraged them to be curious and to ask questions (Eli needed no prodding!). Eli had been SUPER curious for most of the presentation, when the instructor asked, “What makes a bird a bird?”

Without hesitation, Eli proudly announced, “Heavenly Father!” The instructor smiled back and said, “Yes, and feathers!” Giggles were heard around the room and my heart smiled.


  1. oh my Hannah Montana Becky.. seriously.. we need a picture of me without me pulling a stupid face. Can I have a redo? ha. I love you so much and am so thankful that I have had the chance to get to know you better.. you are the bright spot in our day. You are strong and inspiring.. Robin and the rest of the staff adore you! thank you for this entry.. I love reading your blog, you make me look at the bigger picture. Love ya lots.. the goofy one, Kari.

  2. You are the best BIG SIS ever... I am so glad to have you and your example in my life!! When I grow up I want to be just like you..LOL..=) You are such an inspiration to EVERYONE who knows you and will come to know you through your journey. You are supposed to let me be there and do things for you, but just like always you end up ALWAYS being there for me. Thank you for that...

    I Love you tonz


  3. "Just a moment in time".... I desperately need to remember that. Your writing helps me keep things in perspective, acknowledge the divine in every moment, and cherish the little things. Keep it up-- you're touching lives :)