Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I can’t believe…

…I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 37 years old.

…I really did lose all of my hair and even had a Mohawk!

…My hands literally burned and raised my finger nails off the nail beds.

…I had and survived 16 weeks of chemotherapy.

…I lost a part of my body and now have a 12 inch scar in replacement.

I can’t believe…

…the goodness and generosity of people.

…the connections with family and friends that have been created or re-established.

…I had complete clinical response to a Triple Negative Tumor

...I can't believe I am CANCER FREE!
…I know God’s love at a deeper level.

…I feel blessed beyond measure!

Life is about opportunity and opportunities present themselves daily in the form of choice. Within each of us resides a power; a power that cannot be muted by circumstance or unforeseen detours, the power to choose. I often think about a cross stitched saying that hung above my grandmother’s bed as she battled and lost to breast cancer, it said, “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”

I often thought about those words while fighting fear and tears and questions of why as she struggled with the last few months of life on this earth. I watched the winds and waves of pain and loss roll over her time and time again, but I never saw her give up. I never saw her rest her mind on the negative “I CAN’T BELIEVE’S”, she rose above and when it was her time to go, her eyes were fixed upwards as if to leave her last statement of, “I CAN’T BELIEVE” how good life has been.

Her example has left an indelible impression in my mind and heart. I love and miss her terribly and am so grateful for the way she battled the negative “I CAN’T BELIEVE’S”. I don’t think it is by chance that I have had cancer; the same cancer as my grandma Nelson. I don’t think it is by chance that my 20 year old mind had distinct impressions as I watched her battle. Only a loving Heavenly Father would know the strength I would draw from those impressions and lessons, so the Spirit spoke to my heart almost 20 years ago and those concepts have marinated in my spirit, becoming a part of me.

I have drawn on those lessons to help me focus on the positive “I CAN’T BELIEVE’S” in this experience. I love life and know deep in my heart that it is not designed to be easy, only worth it. I know each of us have waged or will wage our own battle in this life. Some battles will be lost, but if we can find a way through the storm and see the lighthouse in the distance, we will arrive (not unscathed) at our safe harbor and win the war.

About a week ago there was a terrible wind storm. It ripped siding off from our house, torn down trees, and left devastation for many flower beds. My flower beds were not immune to the beating and I felt sad as I looked over the little flowers that had been whipped around all night. My mind rested on a particular group of flowers. I have forgotten the actual name of the flower, so for this example, I will call them the positive “I CAN’T BELIEVE’S”. The “I CAN’T BELIEVE’S” did not fare well. They were laying in ruin and had I not just had surgery, I would have been cutting them at their base and moving on to replace them, but I just had to watch and be sick.

Then it happened, my little flowers turned their faces towards the sun and began to grow again. I couldn’t believe it! Though they had been blown to the ground and knocked from their previous station, they rose above and tried again.

I hope we can all, whatever our battle may be, rise above the storms of life and find a way to turn towards the Son once again. He has paid the price for our pain. He knows what it feels like to have life beat upon you and to find yourself different than you were before, but He is also the perfect example of looking at the positive “I CAN’T BELIEVE’S” (Luke 23:39-43). I hope I can, like my grandma Nelson and little flowers, turn my face towards the Son and state with all that I am, “I CAN’T BELIEVE” how great my life has been!

“Courage is fear that has said its prayers”

Love to you all,


‘Mom’s Heart’ Moment: The other night it was Isaac’s turn to say the prayer. He voiced his pleasure and thankfulness for his grandparents and his Eli, and then he stated, “Please bless that mom’s bad cells will go bye-bye”.

This is not much different than the prayers that he and Eli had been saying for months, but this night was different for Eli because he had been told that the “bad cells” were gone, so he leaped to his feet and smack in the middle of the prayer yells, “Isaac, Isaac the bad cells are already gone!”

It made me smile!


  1. Becky,

    You are truely amazing, I am so happy for you, and thank you for your great inspiration, and faith.

    love you, Diane C.

  2. Yeah for the bad cells leaving! The best is yet to come.

    Your fellow Sister Survivor, Corinne

  3. Congratulations, Beck! I love you so much! This makes me so happy!

  4. Couldn't be happier for you. Once again thank you for taking us all on the journey and helping us to learn some life lessons along the way. Love you TONS !!!

  5. I couldn't believe it when I heard that you were cancer free! I was so excited I just wanted to tell everyone that my friend was ok and ahe made it! You have been so amazing through this whole experience! You are so strong and such an inspiration to so many people! You have changed lives! You are the Best person I know and I love you so much! Congratulations! I also Can't believe how good life is! I have been so blessed in my life and will soon be blessed with a sweet little Baby from our loving Heavenly Father! I am so excited! Life has definately had it ups and downs, but when I think about the times that weren't so good, even though they weren't near what yours were, I remember times that were and times like these and it makes it all so worth it! I am so HAPPY for you! You are such a good friend and a wonderful person. Thanks for your thoughts of inspiration and love! I love you!

    Love Whit